dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
