Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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