my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
