So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
