day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
