I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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