That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
