At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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