..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
4 words: hood of his car
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
