garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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