i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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