My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
barbara walters just said penis...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
