whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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