Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
