You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
