People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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