I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
