How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
