It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
