dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize