It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
