I can tuck mytits in my pants
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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