all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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