He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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