Duck Duck Cougar?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
