I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
