all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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