angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
