We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
