He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were destined to go to rehab together
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
