i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
