It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
