Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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