I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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