if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
