I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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