Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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