He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
