You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize