I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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