just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
