I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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