She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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