You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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