Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
