complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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