did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I cockslap morals
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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