Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need a burrito and a hug.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
