My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
