I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
