She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
