Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize