I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
