My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
