Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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