i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
