I puked a lego.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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