I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
