You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
