I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
