No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
