Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
