My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
