I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
