There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
