I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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