I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
