I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
