Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i drank out of a bidet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
