The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
