Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
