do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Still dying that you shit outside
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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