why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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