what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
