Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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