Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize