I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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