Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
