A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize