Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
