Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
