No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
