My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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