I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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