I hate all girls vehemently.
You work out of a Hotel?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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