Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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