Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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