im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
