I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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