I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
