I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
