I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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