New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
