My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm gonna fight the coyote
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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